Friday, July 31, 2009

So Much to Remember

I wish I had time or felt up to blogging every time something happens so it's fresh in my mind, but it doesn't work out that way. I'm going to attempt to remember everything that has happened since last week....

Last Thursday we took a trip to the Summit (an outside mall) to meet James for lunch and walk/shop. I took my MIL with me for help and for company. We ate outside at Qdoba and while James was inside ordering, several people swarmed around asking questions and telling us how cute they were. That made me happy :) After lunch we went to Old Navy and I got a little stretchy jersey dress to wear to my cousin's wedding. Then we just walked around and got some exercise. We did walk in a few stores but I left with just the dress so my wallet was very happy. Thursday night we went to Papaw & Mamaw's house (my dad & stepmom) for my belated birthday dinner. It was nice to get a homecooked meal and get out of the house.
Saturday night James and I were able to watch a whole movie without interruption because the boys slept almost 4 hours!!! So exciting.

Sunday night the boys slept 5 hours during the night without waking up. It was amazing to get over 4 hours of sleep. Thankfully, I didn't wake up anticipating their waking....I was able to sleep!

Tuesday I gave Lucas a bath all by myself without any help because James was taking care of Ethan after his bath.

Yesterday (Thursday) we discovered that Ethan can hold his head up for quite a while. James had put E on his shoulder and he just held his head right up with no problem. Today James did the same thing and E held his head up and pulled it back so that he was face to face with his daddy. It was so adorable. I have to get it on camera!! Lucas is our little gripper. He holds on to things like a little muscle man.

I don't remember what day it was but I tried on my engagement ring and it fit. It's still a bit snug, but I was able to get it on and I'm super happy. I took it back off because it does stick up off my finger so I'm going to keep it off for a while so that I don't scratch one of the boys. Until then my wedding ring goes solo.

Papaw & Mamaw are here right now and Papaw is holding Lucas and said he was holding on to Papaw's fingers trying to pull himself up. My baby boys are growing so much. It's amazing to watch! I promise to get new pics up asap. We're taking them to my cousin's wedding tomorrow so I plan to get tons of pictures. I can't wait to get pics of them in their little plaid overalls :)

I plan to take some time to write out all the things I've felt and what's going on with me as a mom, but I was so excited about this I didn't want to wait. I am only 4lbs away from my prepregnancy weight. Of course I have more that I want to lose. I'd like to go about another 20-25lbs. James & I discussed getting a gym membership. I just need to get the stroller out, hook them in, and walk walk walk around the neighborhood. When I push myself too hard, my incision area starts to hurt so I'm still trying to ease into it. I get excited thinking about getting back to a resemblance of normal. I know its going to take a long while, but it's exciting.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

A Blur

I have lots of things to post about but my mind is in such a fog right now I can't think straight. I still haven't taken the time to upload the pics from my camera either. I'm hoping to get that done tomorrow. The babies are asleep and The Goonies is on tv....time to attempt to rest :)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

1 Month Old

I can't believe my precious little ones are 1 month(6/20-I started writing this on Tues but didn't get a chance to finish and post). I can't believe how quickly the time has past. It really doesn't feel like I was in the hospital in labor a month ago. It's amazing how much I have changed, how much our lives have changed. I'm so filled with love :) In celebration of our little brownies, we had 1 month old birthday brownies :)

We've had a few firsts during this 1 month. Very proud of them.
*I didn't document this but both umbilical cords fell off on my birthday, July 5th.
*Friday, during the day, Ethan had his first real smile. I was talking to him and he smiled a very big smile. It was in response to me, not to gas like the other little "fake" smiles we've been seeing. I teared up because it was just so sweet. He did it again Saturday night but daddy missed it.
*Friday night Lucas rolled over twice. We made sure both arms were out to the side and he sure enough rolled right over. Of course by the time I grabbed the camera he was finished.
*Sunday James clipped their nails for the first time. Man did they need it too!
*Tuesday was the 1 month check up which went well. Afterwards I went on my first outing without the babies. I went to Wal-Mart for about an hour. As I finished up, I was beginning to get sad and was ready to go. I also bought my first shirts (3) that were not maternity!! It felt great :)
*Wednesday they had their first down in the water bath. It went ok. I tried to film it but Lucas screamed too much.

I have a couple of new pics to post but I haven't had time to upload them.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My Loves

We just love bath time :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

So Confused

Disclaimer: If you are family you may not want to read this because I will be letting out my feelings on what's happened and it may not be what you want to hear.

Maybe this isn't the place to talk about this, but this is my blog and I'm going through something and I just need to get it out. I found out yesterday that a family member committed suicide. I'm having a hard time dealing with it. It brings on a completely different set of emotions than just a "regular" loss of family. I'm confused, upset, heartbroken, angry, numb. I don't understand how someone can take their own life. I just don't. I guess I really don't need to understand it, it just is and I need to accept it, but how? I suppose anyone who would do that isn't in their right mind. This is what people keep saying. There are so many questions that just go unanswered. Of course the obvious is why? Why did you feel like this was the way? Why couldn't you talk to me or anyone else in the family? Were there any signs that we overlooked or even ignored? Why do it so another family member had to find you? Now they have to live with that imagine for the rest of their life. I could go on and on. I think the hardest part about it all is that my family member wasn't a Christian. No matter who tried to talk to them or what reasoning or evidence was presented to them, they were always resistant. I realize many people in this world don't believe, which is incredibly heartbreaking, but when you're dealing with your own family and death, it makes it so much harder. I don't want to believe this has happened. No matter what they were going through in this life, I can't even fathom and don't want to even consider the thought of what they're going through now. It makes me physically sick. I feel like the only thing I can do is just focus that much harder on my precious boys and soak in every single second of them.

If you wouldn't mind, could you please pray for my family? Please pray for peace and acceptance. Everyone seems to feel a bit guilty for not trying harder with this family member and a few are blaming themselves. It's just beyond sad.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Getting Out

Early this afternoon I packed the boys up, along with my MIL, and went took a trip to BRU. I had just 3 things I needed to get so I left the 3 of them in the car with the AC on and ran in quickly. It was just nice to get out. Today was the first time I've driven since I was put on bedrest in April. I was a bit nervous, but it went fine. Tonight we're going to my cousin April's for dinner. I'm fine going there for an extended period of time b/c I know anything we might leave at home by accident, she will have. She has two boys so it will be fun to see them around the babies. I'm excited that we get home cooking (roast and potatoes) and we don't have a mess to clean up. Plus it will be nice to just get out of the house .

Another cool thing about today, I was able to get my wedding band back on. YAY!! My engagement ring still doesn't fit, but it's nice to have one ring off my necklace and back on my hand :)

Sunday, July 12, 2009


I have officially graduated from hospital granny panties to real underwear!! I'm so excited :)
(it's the little things that make us so happy)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

We Have Weight Gain!!!

Tuesday they were down in weight by 4 & 5oz. So we had to reintroduce formula and use it as a supplement to the breast milk. Well after talking to the lactation consultant, we decided for the most part giving formula to the boys and pumping after to build up my milk supply and to get their weights up was the best option. I could try to do one boy on both breasts while the other gets a bottle and alternate, but to keep my sanity, we went with the easiest option-for now. As soon as I get enough for two bottles, we use the breast milk instead of formula to make sure they're getting some. Their wet diapers have increased-I think we went from having 6-7 wet diapers a day to at least 10. Their feeding times have changed as well. They were eating about every 2.5 to 3 hours but now they're eating about every 2-2.5 so they're definitely getting more. I was a bit nervous when it was time to weigh them, but I am happy to report we have weight gain! Go Boys!! Lucas is up 5oz and Ethan is up 6oz from Tuesday. I couldn't be more pleased!! They're not getting as much breast milk as I would've liked, but my supply isn't where it needs to be right now so they're getting all I can give(for now). The doctor was very happy too so we don't have to go back until their 1 month check up.

We think Ethan's fussiness was related to his not getting enough milk because since changing to the formula the fussiness has decreased to very little. That is a blessing. I feel bad because I didn't recognize that they weren't getting enough, but I'm happy it seems to be nothing major. We had one instance with fussiness last night, like the night before, so I took Ethan with me downstairs to the couch for mommy time and we snuggled and fell asleep together. I have to say, part of me is fine with it because he sleeps and I sleep and right now we both need it. Part of me likes it because I'm able to spend some time with him and once we lay down he isn't fussy so we can relax and talk :) Special moments!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Some pictures of my beautiful boys!

Doctor's Visits

Last Tuesday we had our first trip to the pediatrician. I really liked the doctor. She asked us to come back for a weight check in one week....that would be today. We go in today and find out that both boys are down in weight. Ethan lost 4 oz and Lucas 5oz. I know it's not my fault, but I feel bad. They have a good supply of wet and poopy diapers so their not dehydrated, they just aren't getting enough to eat. The dr recommended a lactation consultant so I called her as soon as we got home. She called me back a little later and had an opening so I called James home from work and we went. She was super helpful. We have a few things we're going to try, but we will no longer be feeding just breast. We'll be supplementing formula and pumping more often. She seemed to think that the 36 hrs I missed right after they were born with no pumping or breastfeeding along with the high blood pressure affected my supply. We're going to work on increasing supply but it is frustrating. We go back Thursday for another weight check (another set of two copays, UGH) and I'm praying their weights are up a bit.

Welcome to Parenthood

We've had our fussy issues but it was mostly an afternoon/evening thing and the nights went well. They'd feed every 2-3 hours and we'd sleep between. Last night was a totally different story. I feel like it was our christening into parenthood because you hear some horror stories about babies staying up all night crying and the parents not knowing what to do/how to handle it. That was us last night. I'd feed them and they'd fall asleep and no sooner than we put Ethan down, he was screaming. We'd pick him up, get him to quiet down and eventually fall asleep. The next attempt at putting him down, he'd wake up immediately and start crying. He was fed, dry, burped and we weren't sure why he was crying. I was on Ethan duty because James had reached his limit and was trying to get some sleep since he's working today. I had only had about an hour of real sleep (I had been dozing off every time I'd try to get Ethan to sleep in the rocker) at this point. I decided to take him downstairs and I had him cradled in my arms and I laid down on the couch and he feel asleep within about 5 minutes and I did as well shortly after. This was at 7 am and about 9 I heard Lucas crying. It was feeding time. 3 hours of sleep. Man oh man!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

All Alone

Today James went back to work. That means I'm alone with two babies all day. Oh My!! It's kind of a trial day. He's available to come home if necessary. He was going to stay home until we finished the first feeding but he went to work instead since the boys slept longer than we expected. I got them up for their first feeding and poor Ethan spit up twice. Thankfully, I didn't get overwhelmed despite Lucas crying in the background. I got them fed and was able to put them back down without anyone waking up and crying. The mornings are usually easier to get them back to sleep without a bunch of fussing but the afternoon almost guarantees at least one fussy baby. Thanks to Bliss, I have James making a run to the library on his way home. We're trying to stick to the routine that they were on in the hospital but that doesn't always work so we're looking for some additional guidance.

I'm going to try to post some updates and upload some pictures today, if I get the time. There are things I want documented and I just haven't had a chance. I don't want to forget any of these precious moments!!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Bad Habits Already??

We have had a lot of visitors since coming home from the hospital. We love that everyone is so excited to meet and hold the boys. I love showing them off because they are absolutely the most precious babies I've ever seen :) When friends and family come over to visit of course they want to hold the babies. Who wouldn't?!? However, since people are holding them between feedings, the boys are getting used to being held while they sleep. Now we're finding that after feeding when it's time to put them down for sleepy time they seem to wake up and cry cry cry until we pick them up. Once we pick them up they seem content and stop crying. Is it too early for them to learn such a bad habit? Well, when they're being held by visitors it's usually not just a short amount of time. We're talking about being held for a good 2 hours. Maybe it's my fault because I didn't expect or anticipate this happening. Maybe it's totally unrelated, but when they get like that we're not sure what to do. We talked to the pediatrician and she said they are too young to let them just cry it out-to pick them up for now. So where does that leave us? Will they out grow this? Do you have any suggestions?

Tomorrow we're having a cookout for the 4th/my birthday. There will be my family and his family here. That's a lot of people wanting to hold the babies. For some reason, that makes me nervous. Sigh!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Welcome to the World

The Birth Story....

About 7am on Saturday June 20th James got up to go to the bathroom and told me he was going to sleep in the guest bedroom. I do not believe this, but James said pregnancy caused me to snore. Despite his claim, he never attempted to sleep in the guest room before, but for whatever reason on this day, he did. About 9:15 or so I got up to go to the bathroom and waddled down to the guest room to peek in and see if he was awake yet. He wasn't and even though I wanted to wake him up, I decided against it and headed back down the hall to our bedroom to watch tv until he woke up. At this point, Bailey decided she wanted to go down the stairs to sit at the door to go out. I stopped at the top of the stairs and tried to get her to come back upstairs and at that moment I felt warm water start to run down my legs. It wasn't a gush, more like I peed myself but it wouldn't stop. I had to think it out in my head....I had just gone to the bathroom so I knew it wasn't urine leaking....OH MY GOSH, this is water just broke. So in shock standing in the hallway I yell out, "Hey Babe". He said "yeah". "I think my water just broke." Out he runs. He grabbed some towels and I waddled as fast as possible to the bathroom. It just kept coming and coming. He hopped in the shower quickly and I sat on the toilet because it just wouldn't stop coming. We gathered up the few things left to throw in the suitcase, I called the dr, then started calling family to let them know it was time.

My water broke at 9:30 and by about 10:30 we were checking in at the hospital. Of course most of my family was already there. We went to triage and no one was at the desk. We waited for like 10+ minutes for a nurse to check us in, but she was super nice so it was ok. She was going to test to make sure it was amniotic fluid that was still leaking out but when she looked she laughed and said there was no reason to test, my water had definitely broken. Holy Crap! That was my reaction. I was in triage about an hour and then they wheeled me back to a L&D room. All the while I'm barely feeling the start of contractions. I was still 3-4cm dilated. Dr. B came in and said she was only on until 6 then Dr. H was on so unless things progressed very quickly, she wouldn't be delivering. Okay. After about another hour I had started to feel the contractions but they were only about a 5 on the pain scale and I was breathing through them successfully. Dr. B said if I was wanting to get the epidural to go ahead and get it soon before the contractions became too much stronger because there wasn't a reason to suffer through it. My nurse was was able to grab the anaesthesiologist before he went in for a c-section so we could get me nice and comfortable.

I have to admit, even though I knew I wanted the epidural, this was the part I was most afraid of. I was nervous about labor, but I was afraid of getting the epidural. I hated that they made James leave. I prayed so hard that God watch over me and protect me and calm me and He did. I had the best nurse and the best anaesthesiologist, thankfully. It took two tries to get it right though. The first time when he did the test dose my heart started to race and my ears started to feel weird, like I was hearing through water. It really scared me. Dr. V said it wasn't a common reaction, he must've gotten a vein. FREAKED OUT. He explained everything as he did it and when he tried the test dose the second time, it worked. I think if it hadn't, I may have tried to skip the epidural. (not really but it made me that nervous) After that my legs started to go numb and I no longer felt the contractions. I was super fine. I couldn't complain either because I really only had about an hour and a half of contractions that only got up to a 6 in pain.

I went the rest of the day feeling relaxed, but not up for a lot of visitors. Family members were trading off coming back to visit. Then we were told by the surgical nurse around 8pm that since we were trying vaginal delivery we could have one additional person in the operating room with us, especially if we wanted pictures. Of course if it turned into a c-section, they had to leave. So at this point I started to stress because I didn't want to have to make that decision. I knew someone would be upset, hurt, or pissed off by whatever decision I made. I do not like that kind of pressure. We ended up asking my sister to go in with us.

About 9:30pm I was finally at 10 so the nurse went to call the dr, she was about 30-40 minutes away. Uh, what??? They got us ready and wheeled me back to the OR. That was a bit overwhelming. The room was so brightly lit and as silly as it sounds, it felt sterile and hospital like. We did some practice pushes while waiting for the dr and I knew this was going to be even harder than I expected. My sister was standing back by my head trying to avoid a money shot but the nurse pulled her in and had her help hold back my leg as I pushed. Dr. H finally made it and I pushed and pushed and pushed. I was hoping some of the epidural would've worn off enough for me to have some feeling so I could feel to push. I was totally numb and couldn't tell how hard I was pushing or if I was doing it correctly. They put a mirror down by the dr so I could see. I could see Ethan's head and boy was it full of dark hair. Dr. H kept trying to turn his head because it was sideways and we needed it face down. Apparently my pelvis is narrowly shaped so it meant I had to push even harder, but Ethan's head was just stuck. He may have come out if I pushed harder, but it didn't.

After about an hour and 40 minutes of pushing, Ethan's heart rate started to drop a bit (he didn't like being stuck) Dr. H said it was time to do an emergency c-section and get him out. In the few minutes it took to get me ready I felt all kinds of emotions. I was afraid and nervous for Ethan, I was scared of surgery, I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to experience seeing the babies come out through vaginal delivery, I was anxious to have it over, I was a lot of things. I did not like when they made James leave. Dr. V came in and explained his part as the
anaesthesiologist and turned up the epidural. After he turned it up, it felt very hard to get a full breath from my chest being numb. I prayed and prayed to make it through surgery-I was extremely nervous. It went quickly though. They were already cutting me open when they brought James back in. When they say you'll feel a lot of pressure, I think it's an understatement. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever experienced. Then I heard Dr. H say here's Baby A at 11:29. I heard him cry immediately and that was a big relief. Then I heard Baby B 11:30. I heard him cry too. Of course I was crying too. That was the happiest moment of my life. They were finally here. James got to hold Ethan and he brought him over to me so I could see him. I couldn't believe when they said 6lbs 6oz. Big baby! I heard one of the nurses say Lucas was 5lbs 14oz. I was surprised there was that much difference between the two weights. James took Ethan back and the next thing I saw was the two babies being wheeled out. The neonatologist came over and said a few things but it was all a blur. I knew they were headed to the NICU.

After they stitched me up, James went out to tell our families and Dr. H explained since it was an emergency c-section they didn't have time to take inventory of the surgical supplies so they were going to do an xray to make sure nothing was left behind. EXCUSE ME? Uh, ok I guess. That was weird. I did not like James being gone. After they took the xray, it was a good 20 minutes later before we heard anything and when we did, the radiologist saw something on the xray. WHAT?? So they came back to take another xray and brought the original film for my dr to look at. Dr. V (
anaesthesiologist) looked at it and didn't think it was anything but they took another xray and after what felt like another 20 minutes we got an all clear. Thank the Lord!!! Believe me, I did!

Finally, they wheeled me into recovery where I got to see James and the pictures he took of the boys while I was still in the OR. While in recovery they discovered I had seriously high blood pressure and determined I had developed preeclampsia. So after an hour in recovery, they wheeled me back to a L&D room and hooked me up to IV Magnesium Sulfate to relax my central nervous system and lower my bp. I had to be on that for 24 hours which meant I wouldn't get to see my babies until I came off of it. That was the worst thing to hear. I didn't get to see Lucas at all and now they were telling me that I couldn't see or hold either of them for a day. About 5pm the next day we got a call from the NICU that Ethan needed holding to send dad up. I had the best nurse ever because she wasn't going to have that. She decided that since my bp had been down all day that she was going to take me up to the NICU herself so I could see my sons. I will be forever grateful to her for that. It was amazing to see them. I got to hold Ethan and then Lucas, eventhough they were both hooked up to things. It hurt so much to leave them there as I was wheeled back to my room.

Monday I was put into a Mother Baby room on the same floor as the NICU. Tuesday we started to see a little spike in my bp. Wednesday I was going to be discharged but my bp was still up and the dr decided to keep me but they were closing the unit so we were moved from the 6th to the 2nd floor. Thursday bp was still up so they decided to keep me again since the babies were still there. Thursday night about 4:15am I woke up to pee and thought I heard the shower running. I walked to the bathroom, opened the door, and saw tons of water gushing from the ceiling. So they moved us back to the 6th floor since the unit was open again. Friday the neonatalogist said he wanted to keep them for one more day so since my bp was still up, my dr kept me again so we could be with the boys. The nurse called and said since the boys were doing so well and going home the next day, she could wheel them down to stay in the room with us. I was so happy. We were able to keep them in the room with us until we were al discharged on Saturday. I was SOOOO happy to be leaving.

Now the boys are 12 days old and I couldn't be more in love with them! We are breastfeeding and even though it's a challenge doing two at once, right now, I am glad I'm doing it. There's lots of crying, feeding, pooping, peeing, but there's also more joy and excitement in our house than we could've imagined.