Sunday, November 9, 2008

Our Journey

On Wednesday November 5th, we got the best news of our lives. We're having a baby. I took 3, yes 3, tests to make sure.
We couldn't be more excited!! At this point, we haven't told our families yet so it's just our little secret. We know just how thrilled they'll be to find out they're going to be grandparents. We're very blessed! I can tell this is going to be an interesting ride and I hope you'll be there with us, but I think you should know how we got to this point.

Last fall we found out our friends were going to be parents. That started us thinking and discussing when we'd like to try. We'd never really had the baby conversation other than that we both wanted kids some day. Luckily, when we sat down and had that discussion, we were both on the same page and wanted to start trying right after Kelly's wedding in October 2007. That night, after the wedding, we talked again and decided that night we would no longer use any form of birth control. It was a huge decision because we knew our lives would change, but we both felt ready. James and I decided that since this was such an intimate decision, we really wanted to keep it just between us and not tell our families. That was very special to us.

The first month was exciting. It was the thought that we could've made a baby. However that cycle ended without a positive test. The first month was very disappointing. We knew it probably wouldn't happen the first try, but it still hurt. The second cycle had the same result and at this point, I started to think maybe this isn't going to be as easy as we thought. So I decided to join TheNest.com's message board Getting Pregnant. The woman on there seemed to know a lot and were a good anonymus support group for each other. They recommended I read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It opened my eyes to quite a bit on how my body worked and just how small the window is to actually get pregnant. I honestly think that people don't realize how small that window really is and how lucky they are when it happens quickly.

At this point I decided to start monitoring my Basal Body temperature to make sure I was ovulating and to get an idea of what my cycles looked like. I seemed to fit the text book cycle, 28 days with ovulation on day 14. Of course every cycle was a little different, but the majority of the time, I followed that pattern. At the end of each cycle, since I knew how many days I was past ovulation and could tell which day I should start, I started to be overaware of my pms or what I was hoping were pregnancy symptoms. I think every other month I convinced myself I was pregnant. Each month was more disappointing to find out I wasn't.

I saw my GYN in June for my annual exam and talked to her about it. She said it can just take some couples longer than others to get pregnant and since we were young, just relax and if it hadn't happened after one full year of trying, call her. Ok, so we kept trying. While working at Humana I stayed stressed all the time so when I was able to quit and start at Frazier, I was so happy. I thought that with that big stressor gone, surely it would happen. Wrong again. After we bought the house, we thought ok, this is what He was waiting for. We have a new house, room for a baby, surely it will happen. The September cycle ended without a positive test. James and I were starting to get very discouraged. Why, if I'm ovulating regularly, were we not getting pregnant? Was there something wrong? We kept praying and I just couldn't figure out why He wasn't answering our prayers.

After finishing up cycle 11, I had a very very hard time. I cried a few times a week. Seeing pregnant woman and even being around kids was hard. I went to the zoo with our friend Holly and their triplets for Halloween trick or treating. I love those kids and love spending time with them, but that night was difficult because everywhere I looked, it seemed like I saw a pregnant woman. At this point, I felt empty. Eventhough I was praying, I don't think I was fully giving it up to Him. I prayed for peace and He gave it to me. I prayed for the pain to be gone and He took it away. I prayed especially hard after I called my HR department and found out infertility was completely uncovered. Infertility is unsuccesfully trying to conceive for one year. Here we were about to reach the end of our one year and we were faced with having to pay for testing and possibly treatment on our own. I prayed so hard that this cycle we would get pregnant. Last Sunday in church, I cried as I prayed with all I had for God to bless us with a pregnancy and child. He heard. He was no longer silent. He gave me such a peace that day that I honestly can't describe it. I had tremendous hope. Sunday night I noticed my boobs were sore. Typically, that is not a pms symptom, but the very few times I did experience that, it was gone at least 3 or 4 days before I was supposed to start. In keeping with my 28ish day cycles, I was expected to start Monday or maybe Tuesday. Monday came, boobs were sore, I did not start. Tuesday came, my boobs were very sore, I did not start. I still had this peace about it all. I just felt like when I decided to test, it would be positive. Wednesday came, boobs extremely sore, I still hadn't started.

Wednesday on lunch I decided to drive out to the dollar tree and buy a test. James was working overtime from 3-6 so I knew I had enough time to test and set up how I would tell him. Right after work, I went to the bathroom and took the test. I was prepared to wait the 3 minutes but I didn't have to. The wonderful pink line showed up almost instantly. I stood there in shock. I knew it was positive, but after trying a year and waiting to see one of those tests say "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT", it still had to sink in. After it hit me, I started crying and was incredibly shaky. I started praying THANK YOU!!! That moment made all the pain, disappointment and heartache we'd gone through over the last year worth it. God had a plan for us and we had to wait for His timing and His will. When I left work (driving through the tears wasn't easy) I listened to a Barlow Girls cd that had a song with a verse in it that said exactly what I needed it to say. I listened to the song over and over the entire drive home. The verse says "Praise to God on high, He has heard our cry!" It's that simple and true. I went to WalGreens to get a First Response Early Results test. I wanted to make sure the dollar tree test wasn't bad. I also bought a Clear Blue Easy digital test and a card. The kid who checked me out probably thought I was crazy. I went home, took the other two tests, saw the digital say "PREGNANT" and anxiously awaited James to get home. Back in February I bought a little onesie to give to James that says "My daddy can arrest your daddy". I filled out the card, wrote Daddy on the outside, tapped it to the front door, and set the onesie on the banister just inside the door so he wouldn't miss it. When he came home, we had the most precious and special moment of our marriage. I know that moment will change with the birth of our child, but when he came in and realized what was going on, it was wonderful. Such a blessing!

Now we are going to tell our parents and go to our first doctor's appointment. I know you're not supposed to tell people right away because you don't know what could happen, especially early on. However, we've been waiting for this moment for a long time and we want to enjoy it and share it with our families. Dad's birthday is Wednesday so we plan to tell my parents Wednesday and his parents Thursday. I'll let you know how that goes. We have our first doctor's appointment Monday Nov.17 and we're excited. Please pray for everything to be healthy.

So this is where we are. Our journey to pregnancy wasn't easy and I know pregnancy won't be easy, but we're so happy and as ready as we can be.

3 comments:

Gmaw said...

This is Granny#1! Don't doubt my spoiling abilities.

Gmaw said...

Jeannie & James,
All joking aside, I am so happy for you. Happy for all our family.I have been waiting for this moment. We have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. PRAISE TO GOD ON HIGH. I am going to be a GRANNY...

I love you three,
GRANNY

G & H said...

Wow what a amazing story! Such a inspriation as we have been trying 15 months and sometimes its os hard to hold onto hope!

Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your storoy!

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